Setting limits is not easy, because it leads to tension that will be generated in that moment. But when we really do not like something, we should say something about it – which means, we should set limits.
It’s key. If we don’t, we will build up resentment and that is bad for us and for the woman we are with.
You enter that cycle of arguing about everything and about nothing, because in practice we have accumulated resentment, and somehow we are angry with her for what she has said or done which we did not like.
Is there a solution?
Speak up. We must do this as soon as possible. If we smile at everything she does, how will she ever know that she did something wrong?
She has to be the first to know. Because otherwise, she will say “But this was always like that… it’s only now you say it’s a problem?” And she is completely right. And if you settle for unpleasant behavior from her, it will happen again.
Is that what you want? Basically, you are moving towards anarchy and you don’t want that. It is essential that she knows as soon as possible what you like and what you don’t like.
It is normal that when you set a limit, the tension will rise in the moment because there will be confrontation, but that is part of human relationships unless people are 100% compatible, which is unlikely.
Courage
This requires courage but in the long run it is the right attitude, because you are ‘tuning up the machine’, so to speak. The advantage of saying something in the moment, the first time it happens, is that you can do it with a very low level of tension, so that she will be more receptive to listening to you.
If resentment builds up in you there is a real risk of things starting to escalate, which is clearly worse for both of you…
